I Wonder Which Hurts Less

My sister’s friend just got a divorce.
She left with 3 kids
and not a single penny.

I wonder which hurts less
the regrets or
the what ifs?
 
I remember my highschool teacher.
Friends said she was never married because
her fiancé chose another girl.
She died alone at 43.
 
I wonder which hurts less
the regrets or
the what ifs?
 
Is it better to move forward
knowing our foundation is a sandcastle
built too close to a tide or—
is it better to watch you place a ring
on someone else’s fingers,
and dance under someone else’s song?
 
I wonder which hurts less
to choke on the thought of
how dare you marry the next girl after me or—
to hold your hand knowing
the only reason we were together was because
I was always there?
 
I wonder if time has enough hands
to heal all the bruises on my body,
all the scratches on my wrists
from gripping the rope too tightly.
 
I wonder which hurts less.

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