Terrifying Thoughts

Don’t get me wrong,
I am happy.

I write about you less and less.
Most days, I just let the words sit with me 
for minutes, sometimes hours, 
as I drive through the streets
still stained with your name.

I think about you
and then I forget.

With enough distractions,
enough someone elses,
months later,
what once was an open wound
is now just a bruise.
The kind you forget is there
but still hurts when you touch it.

They didn’t lie,
time heals after all.
So maybe the worst is over.

Even if some nights,
I still catch myself awake past midnight
wondering where’s that one piece of me
that went missing
and never came back.

But still,
don’t get me wrong,
I am happy.

Even if happy
doesn’t mean whole
and definitely
doesn’t mean complete.

Maybe all of this
is just my way of saying
I miss you.

And what a terrifying thought it is
to still miss you
after a year or two
or five or ten.

What a terrifying thought it is
to keep moving forward
without ever finding the strength 
to move on from a life
I no longer have.

What a terrifying thought it is
that I might find someone better,
10 times better,
everything I deserve,
and still,
that person
won’t be you.

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